Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
