this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
