Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
