okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
