Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
