I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
