if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
