i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
