i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
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