ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Randomize
