You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
