At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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