grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
