So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
