I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Randomize
