i just wanna soil my oats bro
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
