you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
