My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
birth control should be required to get into college
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
