It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
