so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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