I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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