The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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