I hate your face
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
