so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
