in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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