We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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