you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
