I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
