I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
