Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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