My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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