i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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