I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
