BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
