I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
