I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
