He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
