went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
