youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
