I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
