I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
