My first STD was from a foam party
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
