i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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