Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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