Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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