Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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