I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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