Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
