How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
