Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
