I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
