At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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